This is apparently seaworld. Not maximally real. I am not on a boat, therefore there is nothing you need commit to memory.
-k
P.S. As yet, no one riding dolphins, doing flips, etc.
28 August 2009
Republicans would be OK if they’d just stop LYING TO MY FACE
Posted by therealk under Politics, Rant, the Right, the Stupid1 Comment
Straight from the horses mouth ass (Fox News) :
In the background, images of the Twin Towers falling, clouds of dust, screaming New Yorkers, police and fire personnel
VOICE : President Obama wants to turn September 11th into a National Day of Service…
The words “National Day of Service” appear on screen, next to Obama’s head and over the cloud of Tower dust
VOICE: Is this the best way to *remember* the 3000 Americans who died that day?
I will never stop being angry about lies. Have different opinions about how tax dollars should be spent? Fine, I’ll listen if you have a rational opinion (note:”TAXES BAD! RED STATES SMASH TAXES!” isn’t one). But the fact is that the text the President used, the actual wording is “National Day of Service and Remembrance”.
Now, listen carefully : Dropping words in order to strengthen your argument is DISHONEST. You’re LYING. You’ve changed the meaning of a statement and then attributed it to the original source. That’s called LYING. If the world worked like it fucking should, it’d also be called slander and these fucking morons doing it publicly would be in court.
While we’re on the topic, let’s assume for a moment that that “and Remembrance” means absolutely nothing like these mendacious assholes would have you believe. How the eff is that antithetical to remembering those who died on 9/11? How is serving your country a disservice to them? What kind of fucking prick can stand up with a straight face and argue against doing anything productive in honor of these dead fellows. What should we do instead… wait, let me guess : SIT IN OUR HOUSES AND WATCH THE TOWERS FALL ON REPEAT AND BE SCARED OF THE DARK MEN WITH TURBANS WHO HATE US!
Did I get it right? Thought so. Well, you know what, fuck you. That’s fucking despicable. The Right has nothing left but fearmongering and lies. And unfortunately, because our media and our citizens don’t give a flying fuck about honesty and rational thought, that’s plenty enough to win elections and destroy any hope of putting this country on the right track again.
Fear, “God”, intellectual laziness and outright, damnable lies. Well, ye shall reap what ye sow. I can only hope I’ve moved to a country that’s less batshit fucking insane by then. I have serious trouble believing this one is ever gonna pull it’s head out of it’s ass.
27 August 2009
Civilization is at present an imposture: we are a crowd of savages on whom a code of makeshift regulations is forced by penalties for breaking them. –Bernard Shaw, 1944
20 August 2009
Sometimes a thing happens — a thing, depending on your predilections, that may be considered the result of happenstance or Providence or some source in between — that acts upon you in a manner and at a time that is precisely what you needed, though you may not have realized it beforehand.
Allow me to clarify.
The truth is that over the past few months I have allowed myself to fall into a state of relative depression. I wouldn’t need to say so if I had been better about updating the blog here, but of course among the many symptoms of emotional downturn is a lack of motivation to do anything but the most necessary tasks plus whatever few things bring some measure of joy. Of course, eventually even those become difficult to countenance, but my condition is nowhere near those clinical depths. I don’t mean to cause alarm… I’m not in danger, and I feel as if I am approaching my old self, not that he was ever particularly upbeat, but one mustn’t expect miracles.
I have taken some risks (and these I don’t regret in the slightest) and I have made some definite mistakes (which I do, despite their educational value), and presently find myself in a condition I certainly did not foresee. I allowed myself to become despondent about my errors and failings and the resultant state, and somewhat hopeless about the future. It’s really almost despicable, in truth, for someone who, objectively, has so much to become so down about it. I have always prided myself on a clear sense of perspective, of viewing the world with proper balance, but allowed myself to lose sight of the actual severity of my state, comparing it to the spoiled and extravagant life I led for some years past and neglecting to consider what genuine poverty actually looks and feels like.
As I sat in a Starbucks today, sipping a coffee and enjoying a slice of cake, I struck up a conversation with a man who had come in from the heat and sat down without buying anything. This is something I have no problem with, and frankly, the employees didn’t either (of course, this location is staffed, in general, with people far too lazy to pay attention to anything happening more than 6 inches from the counter). As we spoke, I told him what I was doing, and he told me about himself, that he was from Bethlehem, had been working in a deli in North Carolina for a couple of years and then came to Washington in the hopes of being able to find work more relevant to his experience as a builder. That he wasn’t able to is sadly not much of a surprise. It’s impossible to be certain if his story was genuine, but I felt it to be so, and he never asked for money or anything, so after talking for a half hour I asked if he was hungry, and offered to buy him something from the food case, which I then did.
But really, whether I was gamed today or not (and again, I truly don’t believe I was), it remains that there are many many thousands of people in situations infinitely more dire than my own. I worry about the job market while sitting on a degree from a top 20 college. I whine about my financial condition but have access to resources that billions of people would be ecstatic over. I needed a dose of perspective and I got it. I’m not suddenly a ray of sunshine singing about how everything is awesome, but I certainly realized how absurd my depression has been. So the hell with it, I’m putting it away. I’m sure I’ll still whine and bitch about a lot of things, but I’m done with being mopey about myself, and hopefully this time the lesson will stick.
29 July 2009
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/07/tv-as-contraception.html
*a couple lies in bed*
“Man, we haven’t done it in, like forever.”
“Yeah… there’s always so much to do.”
“Yeah. Stupid jobs. But what happened to tonight?”
“Well, we were finishing work. Plus, Everybody Loves Raymond was on!”
“True.”
There is an addendum to the Raymond Effect, which I’ll call the Joshbot corollary since he reminded me of it. Namely, the spike in births 280 days after a major blackout.
26 July 2009
My friends, Hear me!
Please heed my advice and prepare for activities of a salty nature, as I am quite certain it shall be necessary! Come forth to the gunwale, but keep your wits about you!
We are thoroughly in control of this situation; follow in our wake!
I sail, I sail on this boat! You must recognize the fact that I am sailing on this boat! I sail, I sail, I sail on this boat and I must demand of you that you appreciate the finer qualities of this ship, this Paragon of Nautical Craft!
I sail, ye demon, and you shall view my prowess, as I cast my lot with the current in the great unknown of the Ocean! I travel at great speed! My petticoat comes undone! I cannot be caught while I remain on The Ship!
Immortalize this moment, thou frequenter of common whores, as I sail on my boat! Hereupon we shall consume only the finest of provisions, Champagne du Santana, crisp, refreshing and delicious.
I am enjoying the comfort of my swimming clothes and casual footwear while I endeavor to prepare grilled meats for my Companions as you stand among peons, performing your menial labor, duplicating mundane documents!
Furthermore, while you remain shorebound, I am using aquatic mammals for the purpose of casual locomotion, and indeed they are of a playful sort, so we have been performing all manner of acrobatics as well! The ladies and gentlemen on the deck are most thoroughly soaked!
Yet I admonish you! This is not a common venue for appreciating the levity of sea beasts! This is a matter of utmost importance and we consider it seriously! I am on a boat, ye fiend, a fact which you must etch in your memory for all time!
This boat on which I sail travels with great haste! My scarf, embroidered as it is with ropes, rings and other maritime devices, flaps in the wind! Much as that great Hero of the Titanic, I feel myself capable of commanding all the Earth’s myriad legions!
Surely if you remain on land, you cannot understand my position!
{ RISE! This craft DEMANDS your respect! }
I scoff at the putrid dirt on which ye trod as I sail my boat!
And trees are far beneath my station while I frolic among the buoys!
I stand among my honorable Companions, thou peasant!
Meanwhile, the power of this boat’s locomotors produce a most audacious racket!O Mother, I wish that you could look down upon me in my Glory!
I stand at the prow with my arms wide and I promise you truly:
I shall, by some means, by my art!, discover a way to carry myself even unto the Moon upon this Grand Vessel!As the great sages spake, ALL THINGS CAN BE MADE REAL!
Never in my life have I dreamed myself in this position!
The ocean is like unto a great azure boulevard!
O Posiedon, Ye God of the Deeps, TURN YOUR VISAGE TOWARD ME AND QUAKE!
I could not have imagined this day!
A Yacht, a Schooner, or a Man-O-War approaching nigh!
You must believe I will use it to my advantage!!
I have surely performed acts of sexual deviance with yonder EXQUISITE MAIDEN OF THE SEA!I sail, I sail on this boat! You must recognize the wonder of MYSELF while I travel so!
I sail, I sail, I sail on this boat and once again I must require of you : recognize the superiority of this Conveyance!OOOHHHH! Ye Trollops! Ye TRROOOLLLOPPSSS! HUZZAAHHHH!! HUZZAAHHHH!
24 July 2009
K’s Aphorism of the Day
Posted by therealk under Deep Thoughts | Tags: aphorisms wisdom |Leave a Comment
There’s no such thing as an original idea, there’s only first to market.
Surely, there are original and interesting presentations of existing ideas, and there are superior implementations of existing ideas, but being first isn’t the same as being original. It just means you were faster, and that’s worth a hell of a lot.
19 July 2009
Well, our site got well and truly hacked a few months ago and for a variety of reasons never got around to doing anything about it. Laziness is one of those reasons, though a substantially less prominent one than might be assumed. I thought it worth clarifying since the last post here by anyone was in early April, and the last by anyone other than t a good deal before that. Laziness would be an entirely fair supposition, you know, is what I’m saying.
Anyway, the whole lot of us has been busy and when I finally decided to investigate why Google was reporting us as an attack site, the code was so completely trashed that I couldn’t bear to try fixing it. So, we signed up for a nice hosted solution that means I (hopefully) won’t have to screw around keeping the blog software up to date and secure. For what amounts to a hobby blog, eff all that.
The one down side of this set up is that we can’t run any custom widgets or plug-ins, so The New Bullshit Emo had to change a bit… we’re running it as a twitter account now. That means it won’t be random, which kind of sucks, but it actually makes it a bit easier to just update on the fly whenever it occurs to us, which kind of rules. Also, it means people can follow those updates directly if they were of a mind to. While I was at it, I set up another account to let us do more or less the same thing but with movie quotes, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time. So that’s neat.
Um, yeah, what else… anything else?
Oh, right, past posts made by authors other than myself and r will all show up with “supernicety” as the author. This is an artifact of the hosted WordPress situation requiring all blog authors to have a wordpress.com account and so on. Now, we *could* have set up placeholder accounts for all of them, and we may yet, but off the bat we didn’t. So, for sure let us know if that’s an immediate problem and we’ll get it worked out.
I’m seriously going to try to write more often, and hopefully get this silly blog back on fire. We have something like 600 posts, which isn’t a lot I guess, considering they go back nearly 5 years, but there’s a lot of good stuff in there, and I’d like to think a lot more good stuff to come.
p.s. the fancy new twitter accounts are @newbullshitemo and @newBShollywood if you should want to follow them directly.
5 April 2009
There was a minor international gasp!!! this week when the Michelle Obama touched the Queen this week. This was seen as a break of traditional protocol when dealing with the monarchy. This protocol includes that you are only allowed to touch her hand when she reaches out her hand first…and the touch cannot be a hand shake…it has to be very gentle. Some stories have traced this tradition to the fact that the Queen is technically in the position of the defender of the faith as the head of the Church of England. In the past, this position was thought to come with powers of healing, so you could not touch her…she could only touch you.
Whatever the reason is, it only drives home the reality of a bloodline monarchy. It truly offends my sense of democracy and the ideal that all people should be treated as being born equal. I do not think I could grow up in a country with a monarchy…I think it would be very frustrating…
5 April 2009
When will we start judging our first ladies on other things than her fashion sense? Seriously, she is a very educated and intelligent woman. Seriously, she is visiting Europe with her husband in order to figure out a way to avoid a global depression. Seriously, these are the only news stories that you all can come up with? Who is she wearing? Should she be showing her arms? Should she be wearing a sweater to see the queen? Is the outfit too expensive during a recession? Is the outfit too cheap to meet the Queen? Please mail me your press pass and your journalism diploma because you are not using them right now. You can ask for them back when you start behaving…
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